Twelfth DB movie... "Excess Baggage"

This was another movie that I saw with my younger sister. I remember that we went on the night it opened and we called ahead to see if they had sold out of the movie, and the person on the phone told us "no."

Of course they said "NO"--no one wanted to see this movie!

Silverstone's character was completely unlikeable (if that is a word)--do not see this movie (even with a family member that you love).

Take them somewhere else--they'll be glad you did!

Eleventh DB movie... "The Last Dragon"

I enjoy martial arts movies... I always have. I grew up watching "Black Belt Theater" out of Indianapolis on Saturday mornings on my little b/w portable tv.

This is absolutely the worst of all the bad martial arts movies that I have seen (and there have been many).

This is utterly ridiculous. No more can be said! (I had another friend from college who loved this movie as well--I think I need a better screening process for friend selection!)

Avoid this movie! Go get kicked in the head instead--you'll feel better!

Tenth DB movie... "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane"

I had another roommate in college who was a huge Dice fan. He would quote and laugh about this movie all the time. After I saw it, I could not figure out why.

AVOID this movie! Do something else for someone else! You'll be glad you did!!

Ninth DB movie... "Hudson Hawk"

I had a roommate long ago who loved this movie and told me how great it was. We sat down and watched it, and by the time it was over, I had talked him out of his feelings about this movie.

It is pointless and a waste of time... avoid at all costs! Go have a painful medical procedure done instead! You'll be glad you did!

Eighth DB movie... "Signs"

I only have two questions about this movie...

Why would aliens, who are seriously wounded by spilled water, attack a planet that is mostly covered by water? Or attack beings who are mostly made of water?

Hmmm...

Avoid this movie! See the "Sixth Sense" instead!

Seventh DB movie... "Catwoman"

Michelle Pfeiffer proved in "Batman Returns" that Catwoman could be a compelling enough character to center a movie around... Halle Berry's "Catwoman" disproved this.

The story is forgettable, the acting is too, even Halle Berry in the cat costume can't save this movie. Avoid this movie (and don't see "Batman Returns" either, not enough Catwoman and way too much Danny DeVito as a creepy and disturbing Penguin). See "Batman Begins" or "The Dark Knight"--you'll be glad you did!

Sixth DB movie... "Planet of the Apes" (2001)

I was actually looking forward to this movie, but I have quickly learned that any movie with Mark Wahlberg will usually be a disappointment. He is plastic, and has no screen chemistry whatsoever.

And, they gave the best line of the original movie to one of the apes: "Get your hands off me, you dirty human?" What?!?

Avoid this movie! See the original! (but skip most of the sequels--they were awful!)

Fifth DB movie... "Indochine"

The city I live in has an incredible, "old-timey" theater with the woodwork and the marquee and everything, and I wanted to take my sister out to see a good movie.

Unfortunately, we picked "Indochine."

She said it best as we walked out after this one... "Seeing this movie is like getting hit over the head with a bag of oranges... you're just glad when it stops."

This is the only bad movie that I wish I didn't have the time back... I never wish for less time to hang out with my sister--only more! :-)

But... avoid this movie! Go somewhere else with someone you care for! Do something better--you'll be glad you did!

Fourth DB movie... "On Deadly Ground"

I had to walk out of this movie during the ham-handed ending. Very preachy.

Avoid this mess... you'll be glad you did!! (At least I only wasted 86 minutes instead of the entire 90!)

Third DB Movie... "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park"

This was one of those movies that you thought was cool when you were 11, but when you came home from college one semester and stayed up late one night to watch it, you realized how absolutely stupid it was!

I want back that evening watching TV!

Avoid this movie at all costs... you'll be glad you did!!

Second DB Movie... "Dick Tracy"

Whether it was the annoying color scheme, or having to suffer through Madonna's acting, or the rotten story, this movie was awful.

I had friends who took me to this movie, but I still hated it (sorry).

Bring back those 90 minutes of my life! I want them back!

First DB movie... "Popeye"

My first DB movie would be "Popeye," starring Robin Williams. I saw this movie with my brother and sister when I was a boy, and thought it was awful then, and still think it is awful now.

Williams' voice was right on, but everything else was weird and strange. I would actually have to see it again to be able to tell why it is completely useless, but I am not sure that I have ever seen it in a video store to rent it.

If you are thinking about seeing this movie... don't! You will be glad that you spent your time doing something else other than this...

Do not see this movie!! You'll be glad you didn't!!

What is a "Deathbed Movie?"

A "Deathbed Movie" is one of those movies that you end up seeing that will come back to haunt you on your deathbed.

You will lay there wishing, "I would really like those 87 minutes back from when I saw 'X." A DB movie is one that brings up immediate feelings of regret (either for the $7.50 you spent to see it, the person you saw the movie with, or just the time spent sitting through the dog.)

Enjoy the bad movies to come!! :-) (Or better yet, don't enjoy them! Enjoy NOT enjoying them! Enjoy the fact that you did not try to enjoy them!)